So I skimmed over that last essay. Wow, April sure seems like a long time ago. From what I can gather I can still see an immature person who has discovered upon something amazing. Back then I definitely learned a lot. However, I got the feeling that because it was my first experience with any sort of real healing that I ended up ranting a lot about what didn’t work for me (and criticizing everything about western medicine).
I can totally understand how I felt. I was frustrated. I was angry at the world, at what I thought was our current state of our medical industry, at myself. I struggled through my life trying to balance my normal life with my disease. I know we spent thousands of dollars on shots for allergies, creams for my skin disease, inhalers and special medicine for asthma. I remember all the time I spent going to the doctor, all the time my mom was on the computer trying to look for new alternative ways, all the time I was struggling while others weren’t. I tried various diets, ate special foods, and took weird medicine. Every year there was a new method my mom took me to try, every year there was some program I had to spend and money to go to. Of course all of these methods didn’t work; each one increased my desire to continue to look for alternatives but I continued on. I understand what it’s like to see some crazy method with life-changing claims. I have taken that dive countless times. I never personally knew any of the people who got better or were cured by these methods, even with this method. I glad I have finally found something that works for me, something that works for thousands of others who have taken a chance to try it, and I’m glad to be an example for others so they can also take that chance.
I will make it clear now that I don’t think western medicine is bad as a whole. There are some definite benefits and uses for some of the things they have. However we need to choose what is most effective. In this case all the forms of treatment they have for any chronic disease (which is what most people are dying from these days) are ineffective, costly, and harmful. What I understand now is that what health comes down to is what we have known all along: having a balanced lifestyle and mindset.
Here is a short reflection of what I wrote after the 2nd class. I didn’t have a lot of time to write anything then and ended up not writing anything after.
Yixingtianxia (2nd class)
This class, I learned how all the bad things that have happened to me (more specifically, my diseases) have all been good things. It isn’t that bad things turn out to be good things or that bad things lead to good things; I’ve just learned about perspective since these events are neutral and it is up to us to figure out if they are good or bad. This kind of revelation is relatively general but it was only through experiencing this disease that I truly figured this out. I’ve heard from countless sources such as positive or self-help books, to counselors/teachers, to health class that being positive is helpful and having a positive attitude is key. But how do we truly understand what that means. It seems like everyone needs to figure this out own our own and not just pass it off as some ‘common sense but rather unpractical’ information.
It is kind of like how we learn from our failures and mistakes and why even though they are normally considered a bad thing. Many successful people have used these mistakes to become the people they are today. Everything that has happened to me has shaped who I am today. I know I wouldn’t be the same person without all the good as well as the bad. I am grateful because through this disease I was able to discover Yixingtianxia (this method) and meet Xiao lao shi (my teacher) and figure out how to keep a healthy, joyful life. I am grateful that I am able to identify who I am through this method and figure out what is wrong with me both physically and mentally. I will continue to learn and take note that hardships and obstacles and problems help us become better people once we realize it.
Through this class I learned more about the method of la jin/pai da as well as more Chinese. Some of the lectures I heard and watched were the same as before hearing the same thing over really did have a different effect on me. I realize now that saying and doing really are completely different in all aspects of life. When my parents told me ‘do ___ , make sure you ___, or give you advice’ , I would always say “I know, I’ve heard this before, you told me already.” Hearing it again may not necessarily help me but I didn’t realize that knowing doesn’t mean you shouldn’t listen. Just because you have heard it already doesn’t mean it isn’t helpful. Unless you are practicing what you have listened to then you really haven’t understood it. It goes back to all that we have learned over the years about emotions, attitude, and health. All of these common sense things are so easy to listen to, but hard to use. I can remember going to health class or listening to someone speak about their life and telling myself “this is pointless and unpractical; I already know what you are saying.” We all think we are positive, nice, and happy people but are we? Understanding is doing.
I am working on compiling what I wrote from the 3rd class because its a lot more than the 1st essay. I also will try to make something that explains what I did, how it works, etc.