The heart. (xin)

I wrote this a few months ago and didn’t post it. Writing another blog post probably tomorrow or the next day on yixingtianxia Days 5-7 and my thoughts on this break.

As hard as it was and is to admit it, much of the disease and problems I’ve had were mostly a result of  the problems with my 心 (xin).  This is the word for heart (which in Chinese refers to both the body part and the mind itself in different contexts). Too often we think that we do no wrong while everyone else does. Its way to often we blame other people, the environment, etc. We put ourselves in front of everyone else, in front of god. We believe we don’t deserve this fate (and only complain about it). In most situations we feel powerless and feel like the result was because of only external forces.

I never would of expected after going to the yixingtianxia health camp that what I would be learning there would literally change my life. I really thought the pai-da and la jin method/therapy was some dumb exercise (well of course at first I was as skeptical as anyone else). Of the course of that week and then the other two weeks, I realized how much all of this ‘medicine’ was about meditation and my heart.Somehow through all that pain, suffering, thinking, mediation you come out thinking that maybe you were wrong. I slowly realized and was finally looking at my own mistakes instead of others and finding that hey I made a bunch of decisions that were negative for my own health (whether it not it contributed specifically to the problems I have today they certainly affected me negatively).

It continues to be almost impossible to think, but somehow disease is a signal from your body to yourself that you are wrong. You have problems, and through lifestyle changes you can improve. Medicine sure can help but if you stay the same way as you are, everything will come back the way it was before. Not everything is just some virus eating at your system. Try to notice how your worst enemy might be yourself (you didn’t even know). Its a gift to you, an opportunity to change. Heed the warning…else you suffer.. else you die.

You might have seen a change in me through my writing even just looking back at my first post (written (not posted) about ~ 1 year from this week).

random: It’s interesting my Chinese name (朱心宇) translates to something like “big red heart” or something. Definitions: 朱 is vermilion (red-ish) and a surname. 心 is the heart/mind. 宇 is the universe. I guess 宇 tries to signify that my ‘red heart’ is as big as the universe. I think that’s pretty great goal to accomplish.

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